


Betrayal

by Obviously5Believers



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-26
Updated: 2014-06-26
Packaged: 2018-02-06 07:34:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1849759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obviously5Believers/pseuds/Obviously5Believers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why Giles left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Betrayal

**Author's Note:**

> Timeline: In between _Once More With Feeling_ and _Tabula Rasa_.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing Buffy-related, all of that belongs to Joss and Fox and Mutant Enemy, WB and such.

Giles looked down at her sleeping form, wondering how it had come to this. A fresh wave of guilt washed over him and he knew he couldn’t stay. Not in her room, not in Sunnydale. If he stayed, he was sure to give into her again, and giving into her was nothing short of taking advantage of her. Like he’d done tonight.

He reached up his hand to take off his glasses, only to realise he’d left them downstairs. He sighed. He wanted to reach out to her, to stroke the hair off of her forehead, to hold her while she slept, to take the pain away. But he knew he couldn’t. He had already betrayed her by giving into her advances last night, every further touch would only add to that betrayal.

This was not the way to heal from the trauma she’d experienced, and he knew that once she would be back to her old self again – _if she ever would be_ , the little voice in his head supplied, but he shook it off – she would not appreciate what he’d done tonight. Before her death, Buffy would have gagged at the thought of touching him the way she’d done last night. And the ways he’d touched her. It was unforgivable that he’d let it happen.

He’d seen her struggle with life and had wanted to make it easier, make it hurt less, and perhaps that was why he’d given in to her. Because he wanted to ease her pain, to make her feel alive again, and last night, briefly, it seemed as if he’d succeeded. But even while she was falling asleep, he could see that heart-breaking bleakness return to her eyes again. The at times depressed, at times apathetic look she’d worn since her return from death. From heaven.

She’d been in heaven. He didn’t know why that had come as such a shock to him. It only made sense that someone who had done as much good as she had would get rewarded for it. Only to be robbed of that reward by those who had thought they were saving her. It would take her time to get over this betrayal by her friends, no matter what their intentions had been. And now he’d added his betrayal of her trust to the mix.

He sighed again. He didn’t want to leave, not truly, but staying would mean that she might turn to him again, to look for something he should never have given her in the first place. This wasn’t his role in her life. He was her Watcher, her protector, her guardian. And now he felt he needed to protect her from himself. He would have to leave Sunnydale.

It would hurt. It would be hard on both of them, but she needed to find a different way to heal. A way that didn’t involve the two of them ending up in bed together, naked. If he thought that he’d be able to heal her, to give her life meaning again, by sleeping with her, he would. But that seemed unlikely. She was just looking for an escape, a way to forget, for a few fleeting moments, what her life had become, where she had been torn out of. If she were to live from one of those moments to the next, she’d never find the energy, the motivation, to find a more permanent solution. No, he had to leave. She would turn to him with all her needs and he would be unable to deny her anything. Staying would only hurt her more in the long run.

He stood, taking a long last look at his sleeping Slayer, knowing that when he next saw her, he’d have to have a very unpleasant conversation with her. She might not forgive him, neither for the sex, nor for his leaving, but if it meant that she would heal, get back to being the old Buffy, it would be worth it. Worth the betrayal of not being there when she woke up. Worth having to live without her, making her cope on her own. He just hoped he wasn’t making the biggest mistake of his life.  


End file.
